okay i know i’m a bit late for my easter post, but i’m a busy girl.
i had books to read and things to do.
that’s my excuse and i’m staying with it. so there.
so about easter. it was a pretty good day.
great warm weather. i was really relaxed.
it was the weekend, after all.
and my hair was curling perfectly too.
so we decided to make reservations(oh now don’t i sound fancy??)at outback steakhouse.
and here begins one of ashley’s famous rants…..
though we had reservations, we had to wait about 15 minutes before being seated
and might i add that several families were seated before us.
so then we were seated, and i’m getting pretty hungry. (hadn’t eaten most anything all day)
and when i get hungry, i get a bit cranky.
so our waiter comes over. ok i admit he tickled my fancy at first.
i mean really who can resist dark hair and light eyes.
and then he started talking. jeezusjebeezus, he was a strange one.
it was like the prince grew a few warts. ON HIS NOSE.
so we order and we’re waiting and we’re waiting.
for entertainment, i put on a bit of a dinner performance..
the main attraction????
me of course. i show off my talent of tying a cherry stem in a knot. WITH. MY. TONGUE.
so it gets the fam going on with good spirits. and leaves dad bewildered.
and he begins to wonder if he should send me to an all-girls siberian college in an iron maiden.
or something like that. one never knows what goes on in a father’s mind at such a crucial stage in his daughter’s life.
ok so switching from the animal planet/discovery channel commentary and back to my rant.
so our food gets here, but not all of it. and mum’s steak is gloriously red with blood.
not cool man, so not cool. froggy’s prince status is soo diminishing in my presence right now.
so he sends it backs and that’s when i get started.
with my world-class stand up comedy!!!!!!
we’ve been waiting for a long long time.
i was ready to take my steak knife and play tic-tac-toe. ON. HIS. ARM.
5 minutes later……
down the lane and across the street
down the lane and across the street.
no mercy dude.
there will be bloodshed.
5 more minutes……
sure the steak comes back, most likely dry.
and he says the lobster is right behind him.
i look behind him, and there is no lobster prancing up the aisle to rest in mum’s stomach.
so i start to think of the ways he could mysteriously dissapear, so there are no witnesses.
and of all the ways he could be rewarded with this oh-so-lovely service.
and then the lobster comes, about DARN TIME!!!!!
so everything’s cool now, i’m still pissed, but it’s all good.
and then he says it, the most outdated word now reserved for disney movies in the 90’s
STELLAR!!!!! isn’t everything just STELLAR!!!!
at that point, i have now crossed my boiling point
so i bash his head in with my plate.
my large, heavy, not to mention scalding plate.
and then i go down the lane and across the street on both arms with my steak knife.
carefully reserving space for some tic-tac-toe later(knife, katie)
i discover he’s been knocked out by my savage, yet charming attack(the wanker never saw it coming)
so i drag him out by the arm(hair’s to short), stuff him in the trunk, take him home, and lock him in my closet.
he’s still living, but only because i want him too. for now.
and then……
katie:woah woah woah
me:yes katie
k: that never happened
m:what do you mean never happened?
k: there isn’t a guy in your closet
m: eh heh there’s not?
k: you just made it up
m: oh no wonder i was enjoying myself
k: i can’t believe i’m related to a crazy person.
*leaves*
m: love you too, katie.
i guess that didn’t really happen. but if it did, wasn’t that an awesome way to tell it.
anyways, to sum it all up, i liked the food, despised the service.
that’s all there is to it.
and if any of you were offended, happy, or just plain confused about this post,
then you still haven’t gotten to know the endless abyss of the mind that is me, ashley.
you gotta admit it was a bit amusing.
oh and today was just as relaxing as yesterday. i talked to my madeleen-sis. and updated my site a bit.
so here ends our lovely time in my mind.
have a good day and don’t get sick,
-ashley